Who's To Say We Know Best?

I was watching Avatar last night (I sort of hate to admit that this is where this stems from, but there it is) and I started thinking about the commentary James Cameron makes on white colonialism. As I'm sure you all know, the movie involves a group of Americans exploiting another planet for their resources, while also treating the native population like they are savages, in need of American acculturation. You see this pattern repeated throughout history, be it by the Americans or some other European power, and I started to think, what makes our culture so good that we feel the need to impose it on others? What about being American justifies our superiority complex when it comes to other groups that we deem as "lesser"? What do we have to offer that's so good that we feel the need to bulldoze other cultures and ways of thinking?

I started thinking about some of the behaviors and ideas that I come into contact with every day, and quite honestly, I think we have a lot of growing and learning to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to become an ex-patriot and move to Paris, and I'm not about to build a shack in the middle of the forest to escape it all, but I think our culture has been so blinded by our own self-perceived glamour and goodness, that we've neglected to see the fact that maybe we're not that great. Maybe some of these other cultures around us that we think are inferior (you may hate my word choice here, but if we're being honest...) because they are different, are actually more in tune with what is good and right in human nature.

Think about it...

We're impatient. With fast food restaurants, high-speed technology, cosmetic surgery, and accessible transportation, we are accustomed to getting whatever we want as soon as we want it.

We're self-centered and entitled. We expect others to do what we think is best for us because we clearly deserve it. We also expect others to do things our way, to think and act like us, because we are also clearly the best.

We value productivity above all else. I don't mean to get political here, but our priorities are so skewed that it is expected and encouraged to spend more time at work than with your spouse and children, and oftentimes, when you decide you'd rather do the opposite, it is considered a gross mistake.

All together, what does this mean? This means when we're driving somewhere, going 5 over the speed limit because we need to get where we're going as fast as possible without risking getting pulled over, and someone does something to interfere with that (like go the speed limit), we think it's ok to curse and jeer at that person, getting extremely angry over something so minor. And what good does that anger do? Well, it definitely puts you in a compromised state on the road, at least temporarily, while you dangerously swerve to pass the person you are so angry at. Is it worth it?

This means that when we encounter immigrants that do not have a good grasp (or any grasp) of English, or when we see someone from a different religious or ethnic background who looks distinctively different from the American mold (and by American, I mean the white middle class), we not only judge them to be stubbornly stupid, unaware, or uneducated, but we also think its ok to say hateful things when they're not around. Is that really ok?

This means that when we have children, it is usually assumed that the mother should continue to work, whether she needs to or not, and that her children should be placed in childcare at an extremely young age, where they will spend most of their time being cared for by a stranger who, as sweet as she may be, does not have the time or energy to devote much one-on-one time to any of the children in her care. Is this really what's best for our kids?

This means that many of us spend hours sitting in front of a computer, a tv, a game consol, or a phone, growing increasingly unhealthy and losing energy from lack of exercise. That we don't value quiet time or going outside because we aren't accomplishing anything tangible. That its ok to be apathetic as long as we make the trip to physically attend church. That its ok to eat chemicals and artificial foods because they're (supposedly) cheaper. That its ok to keep your cell phone on the table while you eat a meal with someone because you don't want to miss an (un)important phone call or text message.

Now...do I hate being American? No. But I think we are quickly losing sight of what's really important. Loving others, spending real time with God, valuing the beauties of nature, taking good care of our bodies, and respecting those around us. Do I think my little blog post is going to start a revolution? No. But I hope that it will inspire someone to go on a walk outside, without their phone, or to start putting their family higher on their priority list.

We are all guilty of this...so let's do something about it!

Honest Overshare: I Almost Lost It

When I started this blog over the summer, I did it with the purpose of chronicling my learning experiences as I took on my new (and daunting) role of being a mother. I don't know how closely I've stuck to that purpose, but today I promise to return with full gusto.

Levi, my sweet little no-fussing baby, has been officially sick (i.e. no daycare) for a week now. It actually started before that with a cold, but he'd already gotten one of those, so I knew it was no biggy - just suck out the boogers, turn on a humidifier at night, and help him get as much rest as he can - but last weekend it morphed into something that has grown increasingly grotesque. First it was a low-grade fever. Then, we discover a double ear infection. Then, when his fever went from low-grade to full-fledged and high, I was ready to take him back to the doctor, per her instructions. On the morning that I planned to call to set up an appointment, Levi puked. Everywhere. Ugh!



I take him to the doctor and find out that while the vomiting was nothing to worry about, the ear infection is resistant to our first try with drugs. Levi, unlike your normal kiddo, apparently hates the taste of bubblegum, so I'm sure he was elated to know that he wouldn't have to take amoxicillin anymore. Unfortunately, if Levi could talk, I think he would describe his new medicine, which officially tastes like apple, as tasting like death, so I think he would have preferred the bubblegum after all. On top of this, Levi's vomiting has gotten out of control. Is he dehydrated? No. Does he have diarrhea? No. Is he happy even? Yep. So that means I'm currently living in an apartment crowded with piles of vomit-flavored dirty laundry and a sick child who goes from happy to screaming in two seconds flat.



What, might you ask, is the point of my long tirade on what some of you are probably thinking is no fun, but no big deal? The point is that through all of this, I have learned that I do have a limit to how much I can take and that my past coping mechanisms are absolutely no good. You see, Justin's had to work extremely long hours all week this week, and into the weekend, so I've been going at it basically alone for most of this illness, and let me tell you, its been rough.

Last night, after cleaning poop off of my lap, changing Levi's sheets, and blotting throw-up out of the carpet because he puked right after he pooped on me, all while I was trying to put him down for what would be another restless night, I realized that I was VERY frustrated. I'm not saying I was mad at Levi. The poor guy can't help how he's feeling, nor can he control where and when he expels fluids of any kind. But, I tell you what, when you haven't had more than a 3 hour block of sleep in a few weeks and your baby is screaming and you're covered in puke and poop, it can drive you a little insane. In the past, to be honest, I probably would have blown up, most likely at Justin, and started crying, but last night, I couldn't do that. Not only would it be highly immature and inappropriate to react violently because of a bad case of Murphy's Law at the expense of your child's illness, it wouldn't have helped the situation. Levi needed me to be calm and collected and to do what needed to be done.

Did I react perfectly? No. I felt the anger and frustration rising in my throat, and it was right there like a fist, ready to explode if one more thing went wrong, for quite a while. Instead of yelling, however, I just walked out of the room for a minute. Levi was crying in his crib, but he was safe and generally ok. I just had to get away for a second. I collected what little was left of my sanity at that point and was able to go back in and soothe Levi to sleep after a while. Was I short with Justin later that night when we got to experience this all over again together? Yes. And not that that's ok, but learning how to handle frustration differently without any practice, while simultaneously feeling guilty that you feel frustrated at all, is the pits, and I think I did ok.

Some of you may be wondering at my lengthy version of an overshare, but I know I'm not the only one who has gone through, or is going through this. It's one thing to get frustrated at adults. It's another thing entirely when your frustration stems from your baby. Just remember, it's ok. Take a second and calm down. Focus on your love for your baby. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to indulge a little when you have some down time. For me, that was breakfast this morning - Vanilla Chex, meet Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Together you make the most sugary, delicious, closest-you-can-come-to-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast-without-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast, cereal I can imagine. Yummy! Yes...I know I'll probably have a sugar crash in an hour and then be hungry for lunch at like 10, but in the moment, it was total bliss.


All that to say, please pray for Levi since he's having a hard time right now. Poor kid really doesn't feel good. And please pray for my sanity and unending patience.



Book Commentary - Mansfield Park by Jane Austen

For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I'm a big Jane Austen fan. However, most people don't know that my favorite Jane Austen book is not the ever-popular Pride and Prejudice (not to say that I don't love it, because I do), but the much less popular Mansfield Park. There's just something about the sweetness of the heroine that I can't get enough of! After trying (and failing yet again) to read The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, I decided to pick up Mansfield Park. It had been a while since I read it last and I wanted to read something refreshing.

Now, before I go any further, I want to make a plug for actually reading the book instead of watching any of the movies that are out there. I have yet to see a movie that actually sticks to the book. It's like movie producers think it's not exciting enough for a movie so they change A BUNCH to make it more catching. I'm not complaining because they left out a minor character (like the Keira Knightley version of P&P) or because the ending is slightly different (again, like that version of P&P). These movies are grossly different from the book. They all change the characteristics of the heroine in order to make her "more interesting," because apparently a quiet, moral heroine isn't good entertainment. On this I (clearly) disagree. Also, the one that's got the guy in it from Elementary combines events from Jane Austen's life with the heroine's so you have this weird Fanny Price/Jane Austen combo...it's just bad. Anyway, I'll get off my soap box now...

Despite Hollywood's differing opinion, I think Mansfield Park  is wonderful just the way it is. In no other book that I've read have I encountered a heroine like Fanny Price. Instead of being outspoken she is submissive and exhibits extreme self-control. Instead of standing up for what she believes in with some dramatic act, she exhibits steadfast morals through her everyday decisions and judgments, without forcing others to agree (even when she wishes they would). And instead of learning from a climactic experience that causes her to grow, Fanny has to wait for those around her to grow. She is the rock of the Bertram family by the end of the novel and I love her for it!

I think the reason I love this novel is because Fanny's character is so unshakable (which is why the movies are awful...they make her less so). If a fictional character could be a role model, she would be mine. I wish I could hold up against negativity like she does, and I definitely wish I could have her self-control. Just like with Jane Eyre, I identify with her because of her quiet, introverted attitude, but her composure and morality make me want to be a better person.

I know the language is a little tough (and beautiful at the same time), but this book is definitely worth the effort. If you're wanting to be inspired to be the best version of yourself, read it!

An Early New Year's Resolution

I know it's only November, but I don't want to wait until January to make my New Year's resolution. Staying at home with Levi this semester has made me very aware of my lack of motivation to finish most of the projects that I start. I see evidence of it everywhere in our apartment - the painting in our bedroom that has a blank corner, the lamp that's only halfway covered in twine (that sounds weird if you don't know what I'm talking about...haha!), my thesis (still living at a standstill). I've decided that I'm going to take the time I have left on maternity leave to change this pattern for good! So...this year's (super early) New Year's Resolution is "Finish What You Start." I'm applying it to any and everything: long-term goals like finishing graduate school and writing my thesis, and short-term goals like sewing together the laundry bags for our bedroom. When I finish a project, I'll write about it to let y'all know, so keep me accountable if you don't hear about anything for a while.

And now, a series of pictures to publicly humiliate myself into getting things finished:

This is that lamp project I mentioned earlier...

And the painting...

 

 

And the laundry bags...



And my thank you notes...which I didn't mention, but that definitely need to get done.

Believe it or not, there are actually more unfinished projects hiding in our apartment in boxes and baskets and drawers. Ugh! I'll report back soon (hopefully!).

Refocusing

Lately I've been living an unbalanced life. I know I should cut myself some slack since I just had a kid, but now that a month has passed it feels like things should start to come back together. While Levi is clearly my top priority, as he should be, my other priorities seem overwhelmed and out of whack. When he's sleeping, I can decide what I should do, but my decisions during this time are usually poor (aka I binge-watch reality TV on Netflix). Because of this, I spend my time stressing over the fact that I should be finding a feasible way to exercise (because I'm still limited physically as to what I can do), working on my thesis (whoops...), finding time for prayer and spiritual focus, getting as many chores done as possible (so I can spend time with Justin when he gets home), and taking care of myself (grown-ups need naps too!).

Justin and I have talked about this several times, but I still can't find the motivation or direction to distress and just do what I need to do. Thankfully, this evening I had one of those moments where you read something that directly pertains to what you're going through right then. I was reading How Deep A Mother's Love...A Devotional Journey (thanks Shelli!) and the devotional was about finding proper perspective. It talks about feeling lost or overwhelmed with the demands of motherhood and life and how the best way to re-center yourself is through God. I know, some of you are probably like, "Duh Annelise! I could have told you that...," but regardless of the simplicity, I needed to read that today.

All of these things that make me feel stressed and unbalanced are really just worries, but, as the devotional says, if I spend less time worrying and more time focusing on God and the blessings he has given me, I will be able to relax and find the perspective I need to do what I need to do (instead of staying in my living room all day).

Upping Productivity and Organization at Home

In an attempt to get more organized before Levi gets here and throws us into hectic chaos, I decided to create a Chore Chart to keep us on track. Call it nesting if you will…haha! I don’t know how on board Justin is with the idea, but he did say that it would be good for us to have a set routine and to get used to it so that we can set a good example for our kids. I know he hates prescribed to do lists though, so we’ll see. I assigned different chores to different days and spread things out throughout the week so it wouldn’t get overwhelming. I know, I know. This sounds so simple and obvious, but we, unfortunately have not been using this strategy up to this point. We’ve been going based on need and not efficiency. No more! I’m also convinced that if we keep up with it, everything will take less time to do because it is done regularly.

I originally made the chart in fun bright orange and fuchsia, but Justin shot that down (no pink!)…so now it’s classic Baylor colors – green and gold (well, pale yellow). Wife created, Husband approved. I’ll let y’all know how it works out, but so far I’m loving it! I’m a to-do-list kind of person, but I can get stressed out if I can’t cross off everything on my list. This chart doesn’t let me cross things off, but I can see what needs to get done all the same. It feels more flexible. I posted it on our fridge inside a sheet protector so it’s easily accessible and out of the way. 

More Natural Birth Motivation

I'm sure lots of women firmly believe that they are married to the greatest guy on the planet, but I just can't imagine anyone else having a better husband than Justin. Not only does he get me as a person, which can be hard when you're a reserved introvert like myself, but he constantly helps me better understand myself and cheers me on in my endeavors. (What a great quality to have in husband, right?)

Today Justin was able to go with me to my 36 (and-a-half) week appointment with my OB-GYN. This was the big one...the one where we found out for sure if Levi was head-down (he is...yay!), and where we found out if I was dilated and/or effaced at all yet. This was also the appointment where we discussed my birth plan with my doctor, so I was a little nervous. This may come as a surprise to some people, but I actually hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs when talking to someone I don't know well (like my doctor). I could tell this was going to be a problem because, as supportive and awesome as my doctor is, she is definitely a fan of pain-relieving drugs during labor. I knew I would have to come into my appointment with confidence, and having Justin there to support me was such a great help.

While I would rate my performance of confidence as mediocre, Justin was a great support. After the appointment Justin sat down with me and asked me how I felt after the appointment and expressed his conviction that he firmly believes in my ability to accomplish a natural birth. In my last post I talked about a quote that I found to motivate me during this process - today, Justin provided an unforgettable (and funny) image for me. He said, "Approach your labor the way that Ron Swanson approaches a steak." Haha! My fellow Parks and Rec fans know what this means, but in case you aren't a fan of hilarious mockumentaries, here's a clip of Ron Swanson, the epitome of all that is man, ordering a steak: Ron Swanson Ordering Steak

I absolutely love my husband and I know it would be tough to be committed to natural birth without his support. Let's be real, lots of people don't support/understand/appreciate the decision or desire to have a natural birth. As frustrating as that may be, it's ok, because the one person that matters, the one person that will be in the room cheering me on, believes I can do it.

Natural Birth Motivation

As some of you may know, I plan on having Levi naturally, meaning that I do not plan to use any pain-relieving or labor-enhancing medications during his birth. I know this means that I need to prepare for a whole lot of pain, but I also believe that, for me, it is the best way to give birth. I know it's best for a healthy baby because of the lack of drugs, and I really want to be able to fully experience the entire birthing process.

That being said, planning on a natural birth in a hospital takes some serious preparation, not just to prepare myself physically, but also to get ready to deal with a hospital staff that may disagree with your choice. Based on a recommendation from a friend, I read the book Natural Hospital Birth by Cynthia Gabriel. Click here to visit the website that goes with the book. During parts of the book, I was a little turned off by the semi-combative approach to hospitals and whatnot, but the final chapter made up for all of that. It tells the story of a couple who had two children naturally and their different experiences at two different hospitals. It taught me the importance of remaining confident in my choices without being rude or confrontational. Now I know that I need to stop telling people that I will "try" to give birth naturally, but that I need to openly own the fact that I fully believe in my ability to do it.

With that being said, I came across an old quote that has become my mantra for this whole experience: "I am not afraid...I was born to do this." - Joan of Ark. I know I can do this. If I have to have an unwanted medical intervention because of an emergency situation with Levi, that's fine, but I full believe in my physical ability to have him naturally and I am really looking forward to the experience.