Honest Overshare: I Almost Lost It

When I started this blog over the summer, I did it with the purpose of chronicling my learning experiences as I took on my new (and daunting) role of being a mother. I don't know how closely I've stuck to that purpose, but today I promise to return with full gusto.

Levi, my sweet little no-fussing baby, has been officially sick (i.e. no daycare) for a week now. It actually started before that with a cold, but he'd already gotten one of those, so I knew it was no biggy - just suck out the boogers, turn on a humidifier at night, and help him get as much rest as he can - but last weekend it morphed into something that has grown increasingly grotesque. First it was a low-grade fever. Then, we discover a double ear infection. Then, when his fever went from low-grade to full-fledged and high, I was ready to take him back to the doctor, per her instructions. On the morning that I planned to call to set up an appointment, Levi puked. Everywhere. Ugh!



I take him to the doctor and find out that while the vomiting was nothing to worry about, the ear infection is resistant to our first try with drugs. Levi, unlike your normal kiddo, apparently hates the taste of bubblegum, so I'm sure he was elated to know that he wouldn't have to take amoxicillin anymore. Unfortunately, if Levi could talk, I think he would describe his new medicine, which officially tastes like apple, as tasting like death, so I think he would have preferred the bubblegum after all. On top of this, Levi's vomiting has gotten out of control. Is he dehydrated? No. Does he have diarrhea? No. Is he happy even? Yep. So that means I'm currently living in an apartment crowded with piles of vomit-flavored dirty laundry and a sick child who goes from happy to screaming in two seconds flat.



What, might you ask, is the point of my long tirade on what some of you are probably thinking is no fun, but no big deal? The point is that through all of this, I have learned that I do have a limit to how much I can take and that my past coping mechanisms are absolutely no good. You see, Justin's had to work extremely long hours all week this week, and into the weekend, so I've been going at it basically alone for most of this illness, and let me tell you, its been rough.

Last night, after cleaning poop off of my lap, changing Levi's sheets, and blotting throw-up out of the carpet because he puked right after he pooped on me, all while I was trying to put him down for what would be another restless night, I realized that I was VERY frustrated. I'm not saying I was mad at Levi. The poor guy can't help how he's feeling, nor can he control where and when he expels fluids of any kind. But, I tell you what, when you haven't had more than a 3 hour block of sleep in a few weeks and your baby is screaming and you're covered in puke and poop, it can drive you a little insane. In the past, to be honest, I probably would have blown up, most likely at Justin, and started crying, but last night, I couldn't do that. Not only would it be highly immature and inappropriate to react violently because of a bad case of Murphy's Law at the expense of your child's illness, it wouldn't have helped the situation. Levi needed me to be calm and collected and to do what needed to be done.

Did I react perfectly? No. I felt the anger and frustration rising in my throat, and it was right there like a fist, ready to explode if one more thing went wrong, for quite a while. Instead of yelling, however, I just walked out of the room for a minute. Levi was crying in his crib, but he was safe and generally ok. I just had to get away for a second. I collected what little was left of my sanity at that point and was able to go back in and soothe Levi to sleep after a while. Was I short with Justin later that night when we got to experience this all over again together? Yes. And not that that's ok, but learning how to handle frustration differently without any practice, while simultaneously feeling guilty that you feel frustrated at all, is the pits, and I think I did ok.

Some of you may be wondering at my lengthy version of an overshare, but I know I'm not the only one who has gone through, or is going through this. It's one thing to get frustrated at adults. It's another thing entirely when your frustration stems from your baby. Just remember, it's ok. Take a second and calm down. Focus on your love for your baby. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to indulge a little when you have some down time. For me, that was breakfast this morning - Vanilla Chex, meet Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Together you make the most sugary, delicious, closest-you-can-come-to-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast-without-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast, cereal I can imagine. Yummy! Yes...I know I'll probably have a sugar crash in an hour and then be hungry for lunch at like 10, but in the moment, it was total bliss.


All that to say, please pray for Levi since he's having a hard time right now. Poor kid really doesn't feel good. And please pray for my sanity and unending patience.



Saving Money with (semi) Homemade Carpet Cleaner

So, as many people have probably experienced, babies can be messy. Levi has a tendency to overeat (haha!) so when he does that, he just vomits everything back up that he doesn't need, which makes for a dirty carpet. On top of that, our cat spite-pukes when she feels like she's not getting enough attention, which has been a lot lately. Needless to say, we've been going through our Resolve a lot quicker than we normally do. Yesterday, Lu puked twice (of course) and what do you know, but we were out of Resolve (crap!). I hate going through the hassle of getting Levi out to go to the store for one thing, so Justin volunteered to pick some up after work today, but then I started thinking...you know, I bet I could make something out of stuff we already have. We could save some money and Justin wouldn't have to run to the store after working all day. Win win!

After a quick google search and some pinning on Pinterest, I came across a carpet cleaning solution that was super easy to make and that we already had all the ingredients for. YAY! And what do you know, it's courtesy of the great Martha Stewart (thanks Martha!). Click here for the article that has this recipe, and many more, depending on your carpet type and cleaner preference.

All you  need is some free and clear laundry detergent, some water, and a container for your solution. I used All detergent, which I already had for the two sensitive-skin men that I live with. Mix 1/4tsp detergent (that's all!!) with 1 cup of water and you're done! I poured the detergent and water into a mason jar, closed the lid, and shook it to mix everything together. Worked like a charm.

Martha stressed that you do not want to pour the solution directly onto the carpet, so I dipped part of a rag towel into my jar and started scrubbing. Not only did it clean up the stain, but it took less scrubbing than Resolve, I used less solution, I didn't have to wait for it to lift the stain before scrubbing, and it didn't smell like chemicals. I mean, you can't beat that!

I was concerned that after the carpet dried it would be a little crusty from the soap, but it wasn't at all! It's like it never happened! This recipe is definitely a winner folks!

For more homemade carpet cleaning recipes, and other ideas for saving money with homemade items, follow my Pinterest board, Homemade Living.

Refocusing

Lately I've been living an unbalanced life. I know I should cut myself some slack since I just had a kid, but now that a month has passed it feels like things should start to come back together. While Levi is clearly my top priority, as he should be, my other priorities seem overwhelmed and out of whack. When he's sleeping, I can decide what I should do, but my decisions during this time are usually poor (aka I binge-watch reality TV on Netflix). Because of this, I spend my time stressing over the fact that I should be finding a feasible way to exercise (because I'm still limited physically as to what I can do), working on my thesis (whoops...), finding time for prayer and spiritual focus, getting as many chores done as possible (so I can spend time with Justin when he gets home), and taking care of myself (grown-ups need naps too!).

Justin and I have talked about this several times, but I still can't find the motivation or direction to distress and just do what I need to do. Thankfully, this evening I had one of those moments where you read something that directly pertains to what you're going through right then. I was reading How Deep A Mother's Love...A Devotional Journey (thanks Shelli!) and the devotional was about finding proper perspective. It talks about feeling lost or overwhelmed with the demands of motherhood and life and how the best way to re-center yourself is through God. I know, some of you are probably like, "Duh Annelise! I could have told you that...," but regardless of the simplicity, I needed to read that today.

All of these things that make me feel stressed and unbalanced are really just worries, but, as the devotional says, if I spend less time worrying and more time focusing on God and the blessings he has given me, I will be able to relax and find the perspective I need to do what I need to do (instead of staying in my living room all day).

Levi's Birth Story (finally!)

DISCLAIMER: As the title suggests, this post is about Levi's birth, and while I don't go into too much detail, it still talks about each part of the labor experience. If you are at all grossed out by this, please stop reading here and take comfort in the fact that you know he was born and is doing well.

Levi's arrival having been a month ago, I am finally awake and sane enough to recount his birth story (yay!). And now that he's gone to sleep, I have (limited) time to write it down.

If there was a moral to Levi's birth story, it would be that you can't believe everything you read about labor and delivery - everyone's experience is different and mine is just another example of how true that is. Around 11:45PM on August 30th, right as Justin and I were going to bed, I had a pretty painful contraction. I had already experienced a few false labors, so Justin and I were hesitant to believe that this was real, but this contraction was more painful and it hurt in a different way than all the Braxton-Hicks contractions I had before.

Here's where things started to differ from everything I had read: Instead of my contractions becoming regular and gradually growing closer together and stronger over the course of several hours, within 30 minutes my contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes. While they were all pretty painful, they were not consistently so, meaning that some were more painful than others. Justin and I were both pretty confused by this, so I called the doctor (finally) at around 2AM and she told me to come to the hospital. At this point I was also starting to doubt my willingness to give birth naturally, because my contractions were getting to be pretty excruciating. The contractions themselves were not what was so painful, it was the back labor I was experiencing in conjunction with them. Because of Levi's position (which also played a role in his delivery), every time I had a contraction, his head would press on my lower spine.

At the hospital, even though I dilated a centimeter during the hour that I was there, they would not admit me. My contractions were irregular and I was only at 3cm. I felt frustrated because it seemed that the nurse did not really believe the amount of pain I was in. When I asked her what I could do about the pain (because she was treating them like Braxton-Hicks contractions), she told me to take 2 Tylenol (really...). By the time we left I was crying because of how much pain I was in.

Back at home, I took my two Tylenol, which of course did nothing, and continued to have contractions every 2-3 minutes. Thankfully, there was about an hour where they seemed to back off for a while, so Justin and I got a little bit of sleep, but for the most part, I was crying, yelling, and grabbing Justin for support every time a contraction hit. We called the doctor again at around 8AM and she told me to come back in if the pain got too bad, but I was convinced that I would just get sent home again because my contractions were still irregular. Finally, at about 10:30AM, I told Justin I couldn't take the pain anymore. I insisted that we go to the hospital immediately.

This time, as soon as I walked into the lobby, the receptionist looked at me and told me to go straight to check-in. After I checked in, which was done very quickly, they got me a wheel chair and wheeled me to triage. This time there was no denying that I was in labor. Even though my contractions were still irregular, I was now up to 5cm. When the nurse asked if I was planning on getting an epidural, I said that I hadn't planned to, but that I would like one. The pain was too unbearable. After the nurse left to get our room ready, I cried to Justin, telling him that I felt I had let him down because he believed in me so much. He insisted that I shouldn't feel that way because he was already so proud of me. He was so supportive the whole way through.

Once I got to my room, they immediately put me on Fentanyl to help ease the pain until I got my epidural, which happened within about 30 minutes or so. After getting the epidural I was finally able to rest and enjoy my time with Justin while we waiting for Levi to arrive. After about an hour without dilating past 6cm, the doctor broke my water to try to speed up delivery. She also wanted to put me on Pitocin at that time, which was the one thing at the top of my list that I did not want (besides a C-Section). As soon as she explained what she wanted to do, Justin asked if we could wait for an hour after she broke my water to see if I could dilate naturally. She agreed without hesitation and when she returned I had dilated to 8cm (yay! no Pitocin!).

After this, I started to dilate more quickly and began to feel the urge to push by 6PM or so. With Justin's support (which was more helpful than he will ever know) and the help of different nurses, I pushed for about 2 hours. After about an hour and a half of pushing (I think...time started to lose meaning at this point), the doctor came in and realized that he was sunny-side up, meaning he was facing the ceiling rather than the floor, which is what was causing my back labor earlier. I didn't realize it, but apparently it's difficult to deliver babies in this position vaginally if it's your first time. She mentioned that we may need to do a C-section if we couldn't get him out, but that she wanted to try turning him with forceps. I was getting scared for Levi at this point and I was upset at the thought that I may have to have a C-section.

After a couple of attempts, the doctor was unable to get Levi to turn, so she decided that she could deliver him vaginally using the forceps because he was low enough. All of the sudden my room was full of nurses and the anesthesiologist returned to give me additional pain medicine because of the type of delivery. At this point I was determined to get him out, and fast. After a little while longer, Levi was delivered with the forceps and we were able to avoid a C-section! I asked that he be placed on my chest right after delivery, which he was, and I was able to hold his little body and see his face as soon as he was out. The first thing Justin said was, "He looks like me!" and when I held him, I agreed. His swollen little face looked just like Justin when he was a baby.

After the fact, Justin and I both felt that Levi's delivery had been a traumatic experience. The length of time spent pushing, the urgency of the doctor and nurses during delivery, and the fact that forceps were needed left both of us scared to go through the process again. Now, a month later, I feel better about the idea, but feel that, no matter how much you try to prepare for it, labor and delivery cannot be understood until you go through it. In the end, Justin and I have a beautiful, healthy, pudgy son, and while it really takes a toll on your body, having a kid is totally worth it!

Finally, I would like to add that I have had several people say negative things about delivering at a hospital, and even specifically at Hillcrest, because its not a birthing center. Even though I felt that Levi's delivery was traumatic, it was not at all because I was in a hospital or because I was at Hillcrest. I would recommend that hospital to anyone, and, because of how Levi ended up being delivered, I'm glad I had him where I did. The process would have probably been more upsetting if I had been somewhere else. All of the nurses and doctors were extremely friendly, helpful, and supportive, and would have remained so, I am convinced, if I had not had any pain medication. So if you're pregnant in Waco and trying to decide on a place for delivery, I highly recommend Hillcrest.

Saving More Money wtih Homemade All-Purpose Cleaner

Like I mentioned at the end of my last post, Justin and I have been looking into other ways to save money by making our own stuff, or by simply doing things the old-fashioned way (hello cloth diapers!). A few days ago we ran out of our Clorox Green Works Cleaning Wipes, and let me tell you, we use those things for everything! Instead of going to the store and getting another container for $3, which will generally last us 2-4 weeks, I decided to make some homemade all-purpose cleaner.

It's really easy to make...it's just equal parts water and white vinegar. And since you can buy giant bottles of discount vinegar I spent less than $1 on 4 cups worth of cleaner and have plenty left over for when I run out. Now, instead of using Clorox Wipes, I just grab an old wash rag, spray some vinegar solution on it, and go to town. It works really well to break down grease and it's also a disinfectant. The only downside is that it smells like vinegar when you're done (not cool), but it goes away after awhile. If it weren't so dad-gum hot outside I'd open a window, but I don't want to waste my precious AC!

So far I've had a good experience with it. I've been able to get some tough grease off of our stove that I'm sure has been there since before we moved in and it made cleaning around the bathroom faucets super easy. It also makes me want to clean more! There's a sense of gratification that comes with successfully cleaning the kitchen counters with something I made myself. If only this translated to some of our other chores...

Speaking of which, here's an update on our recently-implemented chore chart: Just as I predicted, Justin was a little hesitant to use it at first, but he's come around (yay!). We haven't worked out a perfect system yet, but the longer we use it, the more on top of things we become. I'm sure Levi's arrival will throw us off for a while, but I'm glad we already have a (somewhat) working system in place to fall back on when we're ready to start operating with routines again.

Saving Money with Homemade Liquid Handsoap

Part of becoming a new mom, at least in my situation, is learning how to be even more frugal than we have been throughout our marriage. I would say that Justin and I have been operating at a nearly professional level of money saving for our entire marriage, sometimes out of necessity, and sometimes because, quite frankly, why wouldn't you? We don't have cable, we rarely go out to eat, we keep our thermostat at warmer or cooler than average temperatures depending on the time of year, and I plan our weekly menu with coupons and cheaper food items in mind.

With all of this already in practice, it would seem that we were on the right track to be able to afford this baby, but if there's one thing you learn during pregnancy, it's that babies are EXPENSIVE! We've already been able to cut some of the heavier costs by using cloth diapers and wipes instead of disposables items, as well as by planning to breastfeed (assuming all goes well in that department), but I've been feeling like there's more that we can do. Also, I think going all cloth in the diaper department has put me on an all-natural kick.

That being said, we were running low on liquid hand soap in the bathroom late last week, so I suggested to Justin that we make our own instead of continuing to buy refills or new pumps. Being the awesome and like-minded guy that he is, he got just as excited as I was and told me to go for it. I'm so glad we did! After doing some research, I got my recipe from this blog. I won't repeat the recipe here, so feel free to go there if you are interested.

For our soap, I used Dr. Bronner's Pure Castile Soap in Almond. It's a fair trade, organic product made with essential and vegetable-based oils, so you know its good for you, the environment, and social justice (win win win!). I spent about $8.50 total on the soap at the Vitamin Shoppe here in town (they're cheaper at the store than on the website above), and then about $.84 on a gallon of distilled water from Walmart. So, for about $9 I made A BUNCH of soap. After I finished with everything I filled 2 liquid hand soap dispensers and two half-gallon glass jugs (I'm guessing...they may be bigger) that I already had around the house. I'm guessing I won't have to make more soap for probably a year, but we'll see.

As far as the soap itself, it seemed pretty snotty and kind of gross when I was stirring it and later when I poured it into the containers, but when you get it out of the dispenser it doesn't feel any different from store-bought soap. It also works really well and rinses easily, leaving your hands feeling clean without feeling dried out. Justin especially loves it and refuses to help me finish off the rest of the store-bought soap we have in the kitchen and bathroom. Haha!

Overall, it feels good to be able to save money in this way and, while hand soap is not a major expense, anything helps, especially when there's a kiddo in the mix. This has also convinced Justin and me to try other homemade items to help save money in other ways. So far, on the non-baby front, this is all we've pursued, but we will also be making our own all-purpose cleaner soon (maybe tomorrow?) to replace our Clorox Wipes, and are researching homemade laundry detergent, though we're a little hesitant to do that (what if we do it wrong and ruin our clothes?). Finally, we'd also eventually like to go from paper towels to cloth napkins (and I can embroider them to make them more fun!).

Upping Productivity and Organization at Home

In an attempt to get more organized before Levi gets here and throws us into hectic chaos, I decided to create a Chore Chart to keep us on track. Call it nesting if you will…haha! I don’t know how on board Justin is with the idea, but he did say that it would be good for us to have a set routine and to get used to it so that we can set a good example for our kids. I know he hates prescribed to do lists though, so we’ll see. I assigned different chores to different days and spread things out throughout the week so it wouldn’t get overwhelming. I know, I know. This sounds so simple and obvious, but we, unfortunately have not been using this strategy up to this point. We’ve been going based on need and not efficiency. No more! I’m also convinced that if we keep up with it, everything will take less time to do because it is done regularly.

I originally made the chart in fun bright orange and fuchsia, but Justin shot that down (no pink!)…so now it’s classic Baylor colors – green and gold (well, pale yellow). Wife created, Husband approved. I’ll let y’all know how it works out, but so far I’m loving it! I’m a to-do-list kind of person, but I can get stressed out if I can’t cross off everything on my list. This chart doesn’t let me cross things off, but I can see what needs to get done all the same. It feels more flexible. I posted it on our fridge inside a sheet protector so it’s easily accessible and out of the way. 

More Natural Birth Motivation

I'm sure lots of women firmly believe that they are married to the greatest guy on the planet, but I just can't imagine anyone else having a better husband than Justin. Not only does he get me as a person, which can be hard when you're a reserved introvert like myself, but he constantly helps me better understand myself and cheers me on in my endeavors. (What a great quality to have in husband, right?)

Today Justin was able to go with me to my 36 (and-a-half) week appointment with my OB-GYN. This was the big one...the one where we found out for sure if Levi was head-down (he is...yay!), and where we found out if I was dilated and/or effaced at all yet. This was also the appointment where we discussed my birth plan with my doctor, so I was a little nervous. This may come as a surprise to some people, but I actually hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs when talking to someone I don't know well (like my doctor). I could tell this was going to be a problem because, as supportive and awesome as my doctor is, she is definitely a fan of pain-relieving drugs during labor. I knew I would have to come into my appointment with confidence, and having Justin there to support me was such a great help.

While I would rate my performance of confidence as mediocre, Justin was a great support. After the appointment Justin sat down with me and asked me how I felt after the appointment and expressed his conviction that he firmly believes in my ability to accomplish a natural birth. In my last post I talked about a quote that I found to motivate me during this process - today, Justin provided an unforgettable (and funny) image for me. He said, "Approach your labor the way that Ron Swanson approaches a steak." Haha! My fellow Parks and Rec fans know what this means, but in case you aren't a fan of hilarious mockumentaries, here's a clip of Ron Swanson, the epitome of all that is man, ordering a steak: Ron Swanson Ordering Steak

I absolutely love my husband and I know it would be tough to be committed to natural birth without his support. Let's be real, lots of people don't support/understand/appreciate the decision or desire to have a natural birth. As frustrating as that may be, it's ok, because the one person that matters, the one person that will be in the room cheering me on, believes I can do it.