Who's To Say We Know Best?

I was watching Avatar last night (I sort of hate to admit that this is where this stems from, but there it is) and I started thinking about the commentary James Cameron makes on white colonialism. As I'm sure you all know, the movie involves a group of Americans exploiting another planet for their resources, while also treating the native population like they are savages, in need of American acculturation. You see this pattern repeated throughout history, be it by the Americans or some other European power, and I started to think, what makes our culture so good that we feel the need to impose it on others? What about being American justifies our superiority complex when it comes to other groups that we deem as "lesser"? What do we have to offer that's so good that we feel the need to bulldoze other cultures and ways of thinking?

I started thinking about some of the behaviors and ideas that I come into contact with every day, and quite honestly, I think we have a lot of growing and learning to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to become an ex-patriot and move to Paris, and I'm not about to build a shack in the middle of the forest to escape it all, but I think our culture has been so blinded by our own self-perceived glamour and goodness, that we've neglected to see the fact that maybe we're not that great. Maybe some of these other cultures around us that we think are inferior (you may hate my word choice here, but if we're being honest...) because they are different, are actually more in tune with what is good and right in human nature.

Think about it...

We're impatient. With fast food restaurants, high-speed technology, cosmetic surgery, and accessible transportation, we are accustomed to getting whatever we want as soon as we want it.

We're self-centered and entitled. We expect others to do what we think is best for us because we clearly deserve it. We also expect others to do things our way, to think and act like us, because we are also clearly the best.

We value productivity above all else. I don't mean to get political here, but our priorities are so skewed that it is expected and encouraged to spend more time at work than with your spouse and children, and oftentimes, when you decide you'd rather do the opposite, it is considered a gross mistake.

All together, what does this mean? This means when we're driving somewhere, going 5 over the speed limit because we need to get where we're going as fast as possible without risking getting pulled over, and someone does something to interfere with that (like go the speed limit), we think it's ok to curse and jeer at that person, getting extremely angry over something so minor. And what good does that anger do? Well, it definitely puts you in a compromised state on the road, at least temporarily, while you dangerously swerve to pass the person you are so angry at. Is it worth it?

This means that when we encounter immigrants that do not have a good grasp (or any grasp) of English, or when we see someone from a different religious or ethnic background who looks distinctively different from the American mold (and by American, I mean the white middle class), we not only judge them to be stubbornly stupid, unaware, or uneducated, but we also think its ok to say hateful things when they're not around. Is that really ok?

This means that when we have children, it is usually assumed that the mother should continue to work, whether she needs to or not, and that her children should be placed in childcare at an extremely young age, where they will spend most of their time being cared for by a stranger who, as sweet as she may be, does not have the time or energy to devote much one-on-one time to any of the children in her care. Is this really what's best for our kids?

This means that many of us spend hours sitting in front of a computer, a tv, a game consol, or a phone, growing increasingly unhealthy and losing energy from lack of exercise. That we don't value quiet time or going outside because we aren't accomplishing anything tangible. That its ok to be apathetic as long as we make the trip to physically attend church. That its ok to eat chemicals and artificial foods because they're (supposedly) cheaper. That its ok to keep your cell phone on the table while you eat a meal with someone because you don't want to miss an (un)important phone call or text message.

Now...do I hate being American? No. But I think we are quickly losing sight of what's really important. Loving others, spending real time with God, valuing the beauties of nature, taking good care of our bodies, and respecting those around us. Do I think my little blog post is going to start a revolution? No. But I hope that it will inspire someone to go on a walk outside, without their phone, or to start putting their family higher on their priority list.

We are all guilty of this...so let's do something about it!

Honest Overshare: I Almost Lost It

When I started this blog over the summer, I did it with the purpose of chronicling my learning experiences as I took on my new (and daunting) role of being a mother. I don't know how closely I've stuck to that purpose, but today I promise to return with full gusto.

Levi, my sweet little no-fussing baby, has been officially sick (i.e. no daycare) for a week now. It actually started before that with a cold, but he'd already gotten one of those, so I knew it was no biggy - just suck out the boogers, turn on a humidifier at night, and help him get as much rest as he can - but last weekend it morphed into something that has grown increasingly grotesque. First it was a low-grade fever. Then, we discover a double ear infection. Then, when his fever went from low-grade to full-fledged and high, I was ready to take him back to the doctor, per her instructions. On the morning that I planned to call to set up an appointment, Levi puked. Everywhere. Ugh!



I take him to the doctor and find out that while the vomiting was nothing to worry about, the ear infection is resistant to our first try with drugs. Levi, unlike your normal kiddo, apparently hates the taste of bubblegum, so I'm sure he was elated to know that he wouldn't have to take amoxicillin anymore. Unfortunately, if Levi could talk, I think he would describe his new medicine, which officially tastes like apple, as tasting like death, so I think he would have preferred the bubblegum after all. On top of this, Levi's vomiting has gotten out of control. Is he dehydrated? No. Does he have diarrhea? No. Is he happy even? Yep. So that means I'm currently living in an apartment crowded with piles of vomit-flavored dirty laundry and a sick child who goes from happy to screaming in two seconds flat.



What, might you ask, is the point of my long tirade on what some of you are probably thinking is no fun, but no big deal? The point is that through all of this, I have learned that I do have a limit to how much I can take and that my past coping mechanisms are absolutely no good. You see, Justin's had to work extremely long hours all week this week, and into the weekend, so I've been going at it basically alone for most of this illness, and let me tell you, its been rough.

Last night, after cleaning poop off of my lap, changing Levi's sheets, and blotting throw-up out of the carpet because he puked right after he pooped on me, all while I was trying to put him down for what would be another restless night, I realized that I was VERY frustrated. I'm not saying I was mad at Levi. The poor guy can't help how he's feeling, nor can he control where and when he expels fluids of any kind. But, I tell you what, when you haven't had more than a 3 hour block of sleep in a few weeks and your baby is screaming and you're covered in puke and poop, it can drive you a little insane. In the past, to be honest, I probably would have blown up, most likely at Justin, and started crying, but last night, I couldn't do that. Not only would it be highly immature and inappropriate to react violently because of a bad case of Murphy's Law at the expense of your child's illness, it wouldn't have helped the situation. Levi needed me to be calm and collected and to do what needed to be done.

Did I react perfectly? No. I felt the anger and frustration rising in my throat, and it was right there like a fist, ready to explode if one more thing went wrong, for quite a while. Instead of yelling, however, I just walked out of the room for a minute. Levi was crying in his crib, but he was safe and generally ok. I just had to get away for a second. I collected what little was left of my sanity at that point and was able to go back in and soothe Levi to sleep after a while. Was I short with Justin later that night when we got to experience this all over again together? Yes. And not that that's ok, but learning how to handle frustration differently without any practice, while simultaneously feeling guilty that you feel frustrated at all, is the pits, and I think I did ok.

Some of you may be wondering at my lengthy version of an overshare, but I know I'm not the only one who has gone through, or is going through this. It's one thing to get frustrated at adults. It's another thing entirely when your frustration stems from your baby. Just remember, it's ok. Take a second and calm down. Focus on your love for your baby. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to indulge a little when you have some down time. For me, that was breakfast this morning - Vanilla Chex, meet Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Together you make the most sugary, delicious, closest-you-can-come-to-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast-without-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast, cereal I can imagine. Yummy! Yes...I know I'll probably have a sugar crash in an hour and then be hungry for lunch at like 10, but in the moment, it was total bliss.


All that to say, please pray for Levi since he's having a hard time right now. Poor kid really doesn't feel good. And please pray for my sanity and unending patience.



A (Not-so-Awkward) Secret about Breast Pumps

Whenever you get a good piece of advice from someone, it’s normal to want to share it with others. When you take the good piece of advice and save yourself hundreds of dollars, it becomes something you need to share with others. But when you realize that this piece of advice that saved you lots of money is not known by too many people, it becomes your duty to spread the word! So, with that introduction, I want you all to know this little secret that I found out right before Levi was born: you may be able to get a brand new, double-electric, super-nice breast pump…for free!

That’s right! A few weeks before Levi was born, I attended a breastfeeding class at my hospital. We were talking about pumping and people were bringing up how expensive it is to buy or rent a pump. Then, one girl in my class said that she heard a rumor that you could get a free pump through your insurance company if you requested it.

That sounded awesome to me, so when Levi was born, Justin called our insurance company to find out about it. Turns out we could get a free pump if we ordered it from a list of medical supply companies that they provided to us. We can also get a new pump for each kid that we have, again, for free! You can’t beat that!

To be honest, even after we found this out, I was a little skeptical. I mean, a free pump from a medical supply company could be some weird, cheap, off-brand, crap machine. Nope! We got a Medela Advanced Double Breast Pump. The only complaint I have is that the carrying case is rather ugly…its old-lady beige and is not disguised to look like a briefcase or anything. I’ll take it though if it means we get a $450 breast pump for free!

So, pregnant women of America – call your insurance company and see if they will do this for you! It’s just another great way to alleviate some of the cost of having a kiddo!

Transition Week

As much as I tried to put it out of my mind, the time finally arrived for Levi to start daycare this week. When Levi was about 2 months old, I was talking to a friend about daycare and she gave me a great piece of advice (thanks Carly!)- she encouraged me to take Levi to daycare a few days before I actually had to go back to work and school so that I would be able to better adjust. She said that she didn't do that with her son, so her first day back at work (which was also her son's first day at daycare), she was a complete wreck.

Thankfully, Levi's daycare has what they call "Transition Week" for all of their new kiddos. Basically, the week before you kid is supposed to start school, you bring them a little more each day to help both mom and child transition into daycare. And bonus, it's free! It definitely made our transition a lot easier than it would have been otherwise and for that I'm extremely thankful! Here's how it went:

Monday - Me and Levi go to Daycare Together for a  Couple Hours
This was a great experience for me! I was able to take Levi to his class, see how things run, ask questions, and explain Levi's little quirks as they came up. I got to meet all of his teachers and start to develop a relationship with them, which was really nice.

That being said, I was a little worried about a few things. One is that Levi is younger than all but two of the other babies in the room, meaning the other babies are mobile and grabby. Also, I didn't see any books and to be honest, for the most part, all play time was pretty independent, which isn't what Levi is used to. More independent play will probably be good for him, but I'm concerned about the lack of academics. I know they're babies, but I'd argue that reading to babies is pretty common practice so I was confused when I didn't see it.

Overall, I felt more comfortable leaving him there than before, but I was a little disillusioned by what actually goes on during the day.

Tuesday - I leave Levi at Daycare for a Couple Hours
I dropped Levi off at Daycare for about two-and-a-half hours while I got my hair cut (finally!!). The actual act of leaving him was difficult. When I bent over him to say goodbye he looked up at me and smiled, melting my heart and making it extra difficult to leave him there. Once I was out and about though, I felt ok about it. I'm not going to lie and say everything was peachy and that I'm totally ok with him going to daycare, but it was more manageable than I thought it would be.

Levi also did well. He didn't cry much while I was gone and he ate from a bottle offered by a stranger, which is good. I'd really like him to experience as little trauma (for lack of a better word) as possible during this time.

Wednesday - I leave Levi at Daycare for a Half-Day
This was my first day back at work. Levi was at daycare from about 7:30-12:15. Being at work wasn't actually as hard as I thought it would be. It was nice to be back doing the job that I enjoy with my friends and coworkers. However, when we went to pick up Levi at lunch, he was BALLING. He was so exhausted because he's still learning how to nap in a noisy room and he had never been apart from us for that long. Poor thing.

Despite the fact that I felt ok with it while I was at work, seeing my sad little boy made this day especially hard.

Thursday - I leave Levi at Daycare until 3PM
Well, unfortunately (sort of...) Levi and I both came down with a bad cold. His cough was getting a little chesty so I kept him home with me and we went to the doctor instead of daycare. I was worried about it being the flu, but it wasn't and the doctor said he was ok to go to daycare as long as he didn't have a fever. I kept him at the home the rest of the day though...haha! It was good for him to get some rest. And boy did he! He practically slept all day!

Friday - I leave Levi at Daycare All Day
Since he didn't go to daycare on Thursday, I didn't leave him there all day today. And honestly, I'm glad I didn't. He's still sick and unable to sleep, so I picked him up at 3. He was crying again when I got there, but I know it was mainly because he was exhausted. He fell asleep within minutes of being in his car seat.

(How could anyone say goodbye to this face everyday?)

Generally speaking, I feel ok with going to work this semester, but I really hope that come mid-May I'll be able to keep him home with me from then on. It's important for me to finish my master's degree and fulfill my apprenticeship commitments, but it still feels unnatural to send my kid to others to take care of him during the day. I won't say it feels wrong, but it definitely doesn't feel right.

I think having this transition week was really helpful (even though I didn't do it quite right). It gave me the opportunity to see what it would be like without feeling trapped into it (even though I kind of was). I highly recommend it to other new moms!



Searching for a Day Care

Today, Justin took a personal day so that we could go tour potential day cares for Levi. I've been mentally preparing myself for months for the day that we actually drop him off for the first time because I know it's going to suck. I was not, however, prepared for how difficult today turned out to be. We visited First Baptist Waco first, which had been pretty highly recommended to us by a few people. Despite this however, as soon as we walked into the infant rooms, I could feel myself getting upset. The room was dark (probably naptime), lined with cribs, with a small play mat in the middle. There were a couple babies playing on the mat, but there were others just sitting up in their cribs looking around in the dark. From what I could tell there weren't any windows in the room either, so I felt a little bit like I was in baby prison. By the time we were ready to leave, I was itching to get out. As soon as the door closed behind us, I burst into tears: "I don't think I can do this!" I knew it was going to be hard not being with him all day anymore, but I didn't realize it would hit me this early.

Thankfully, after I calmed myself down, we stopped by the Tower to introduce Levi to Justin's coworkers. We told a few people that we just visited our first potential day care and there was overwhelming sympathy and understanding from all the women. They know how traumatic it can be and they reassured me that it gets better. One woman told us something that I think will become my mantra during this experience - "It's better for both you and him." Not to say that being a stay-at-home mom is a bad choice, because I definitely don't think that, but I know it's not the best decision for me personally. It will be better for me because I will be able to work and be myself again, but it will also be good for him to be able to socialize with other babies in a safe and educationally-focused environment. (Thanks Sheila!) So while it will be hard, it will be good for both of us in the end.

After our stop at the Tower, I felt a lot better about everything (or at least as good as I can right now). We went to visit Central Faith on our way home and I felt much better about it! The rooms each had a wall of windows, and while there were still lots of cribs in the room surrounding a play area, the rooms were more open and the staff talked to us about the different developmental activities they do with them throughout the day. I was most impressed by the fact that they work to teach them both Spanish and sign language. So cool!

While we haven't decided on a place yet (we still have some more to visit), I feel a lot better about it knowing that most other women in my situation have gone through similar emotions. I hope that other new moms or moms-to-be can read this and know that, while the process is hard, you are not alone. If you start feeling isolated or alone in your feelings, talk to other moms that have put their kids in day care and I guarantee their sympathy will be immediate. Us working moms have to stick together!

And now, a gratuitous baby picture because he's just so darn cute!