Honest Overshare: I Almost Lost It

When I started this blog over the summer, I did it with the purpose of chronicling my learning experiences as I took on my new (and daunting) role of being a mother. I don't know how closely I've stuck to that purpose, but today I promise to return with full gusto.

Levi, my sweet little no-fussing baby, has been officially sick (i.e. no daycare) for a week now. It actually started before that with a cold, but he'd already gotten one of those, so I knew it was no biggy - just suck out the boogers, turn on a humidifier at night, and help him get as much rest as he can - but last weekend it morphed into something that has grown increasingly grotesque. First it was a low-grade fever. Then, we discover a double ear infection. Then, when his fever went from low-grade to full-fledged and high, I was ready to take him back to the doctor, per her instructions. On the morning that I planned to call to set up an appointment, Levi puked. Everywhere. Ugh!



I take him to the doctor and find out that while the vomiting was nothing to worry about, the ear infection is resistant to our first try with drugs. Levi, unlike your normal kiddo, apparently hates the taste of bubblegum, so I'm sure he was elated to know that he wouldn't have to take amoxicillin anymore. Unfortunately, if Levi could talk, I think he would describe his new medicine, which officially tastes like apple, as tasting like death, so I think he would have preferred the bubblegum after all. On top of this, Levi's vomiting has gotten out of control. Is he dehydrated? No. Does he have diarrhea? No. Is he happy even? Yep. So that means I'm currently living in an apartment crowded with piles of vomit-flavored dirty laundry and a sick child who goes from happy to screaming in two seconds flat.



What, might you ask, is the point of my long tirade on what some of you are probably thinking is no fun, but no big deal? The point is that through all of this, I have learned that I do have a limit to how much I can take and that my past coping mechanisms are absolutely no good. You see, Justin's had to work extremely long hours all week this week, and into the weekend, so I've been going at it basically alone for most of this illness, and let me tell you, its been rough.

Last night, after cleaning poop off of my lap, changing Levi's sheets, and blotting throw-up out of the carpet because he puked right after he pooped on me, all while I was trying to put him down for what would be another restless night, I realized that I was VERY frustrated. I'm not saying I was mad at Levi. The poor guy can't help how he's feeling, nor can he control where and when he expels fluids of any kind. But, I tell you what, when you haven't had more than a 3 hour block of sleep in a few weeks and your baby is screaming and you're covered in puke and poop, it can drive you a little insane. In the past, to be honest, I probably would have blown up, most likely at Justin, and started crying, but last night, I couldn't do that. Not only would it be highly immature and inappropriate to react violently because of a bad case of Murphy's Law at the expense of your child's illness, it wouldn't have helped the situation. Levi needed me to be calm and collected and to do what needed to be done.

Did I react perfectly? No. I felt the anger and frustration rising in my throat, and it was right there like a fist, ready to explode if one more thing went wrong, for quite a while. Instead of yelling, however, I just walked out of the room for a minute. Levi was crying in his crib, but he was safe and generally ok. I just had to get away for a second. I collected what little was left of my sanity at that point and was able to go back in and soothe Levi to sleep after a while. Was I short with Justin later that night when we got to experience this all over again together? Yes. And not that that's ok, but learning how to handle frustration differently without any practice, while simultaneously feeling guilty that you feel frustrated at all, is the pits, and I think I did ok.

Some of you may be wondering at my lengthy version of an overshare, but I know I'm not the only one who has gone through, or is going through this. It's one thing to get frustrated at adults. It's another thing entirely when your frustration stems from your baby. Just remember, it's ok. Take a second and calm down. Focus on your love for your baby. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to indulge a little when you have some down time. For me, that was breakfast this morning - Vanilla Chex, meet Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Together you make the most sugary, delicious, closest-you-can-come-to-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast-without-eating-puppy-chow-for-breakfast, cereal I can imagine. Yummy! Yes...I know I'll probably have a sugar crash in an hour and then be hungry for lunch at like 10, but in the moment, it was total bliss.


All that to say, please pray for Levi since he's having a hard time right now. Poor kid really doesn't feel good. And please pray for my sanity and unending patience.



A (Not-so-Awkward) Secret about Breast Pumps

Whenever you get a good piece of advice from someone, it’s normal to want to share it with others. When you take the good piece of advice and save yourself hundreds of dollars, it becomes something you need to share with others. But when you realize that this piece of advice that saved you lots of money is not known by too many people, it becomes your duty to spread the word! So, with that introduction, I want you all to know this little secret that I found out right before Levi was born: you may be able to get a brand new, double-electric, super-nice breast pump…for free!

That’s right! A few weeks before Levi was born, I attended a breastfeeding class at my hospital. We were talking about pumping and people were bringing up how expensive it is to buy or rent a pump. Then, one girl in my class said that she heard a rumor that you could get a free pump through your insurance company if you requested it.

That sounded awesome to me, so when Levi was born, Justin called our insurance company to find out about it. Turns out we could get a free pump if we ordered it from a list of medical supply companies that they provided to us. We can also get a new pump for each kid that we have, again, for free! You can’t beat that!

To be honest, even after we found this out, I was a little skeptical. I mean, a free pump from a medical supply company could be some weird, cheap, off-brand, crap machine. Nope! We got a Medela Advanced Double Breast Pump. The only complaint I have is that the carrying case is rather ugly…its old-lady beige and is not disguised to look like a briefcase or anything. I’ll take it though if it means we get a $450 breast pump for free!

So, pregnant women of America – call your insurance company and see if they will do this for you! It’s just another great way to alleviate some of the cost of having a kiddo!

Cloth Diapers 101 - Choosing a Diaper (Part 1)

 

Choosing a Diaper
Believe it or not, there are quite a few types and brands of cloth diapers to pick from. They range from the old-fashioned pre-fold with a diaper cover to more modern pockets and hybrid diapers. Deciding what type of diaper you want to go with depends on why you're doing cloth diapers (to save money, to be eco-friendly, because they're awesome...you know...whatever your reason) and how much "extra work" you are willing to deal with (although, as I mentioned last time, the extra work isn't that big of a deal, hence the quotes).

No Matter What, I Need to Save as Much Money as Possible!
If you are solely looking to save money and don't care about how much work the diapers are, I would recommend looking into pre-folds and diaper covers. Pre-fold diapers are what a lot of moms use for burp cloths now - those white, rectangular cloths that are thicker in the middle and pretty dang absorbent. They seem intimidating because you have to fold them yourself, but it's actually really easy. (Click here for a great video on different ways to fold them!) Pre-folds come in different sizes depending on the size of your kiddo, but there aren't a lot of sizes (because you can fold them!) so you don't have to buy a bunch of them throughout your kiddo's diaper career.

To keep the diapers in place you can use safety pins or you can use snappies. These are stretchy clips, similar to the ones you use with ace bandages, that hold the diaper in place. They are MUCH easier to use than safety pins, especially with a squirmy baby. These are also inexpensive and, unless you lose yours, they are a one-time purchase.

Finally, the diaper covers, which you place over the pre-fold to keep pee and poo from going everywhere, cost very little compared to other types of diapers. And because they are just covers, you don't need that many. Unless the cover gets poo on it, you can just wipe the pee residue out with a baby wipe and let it dry while you use another. These are also typically sized, like the pre-fold inserts, so you will most likely need to buy separate sets a few times, but, like I said, they don't cost much.

Another big reason that these diapers are so cost effective is because you don't need to use special laundry detergent like you do on other diapers. From my experience, regular free and clear detergent works just fine, which leads me to...

My Two Cents
When Justin and I decided to do cloth diapers, we did not decide to use pre-folds and diaper covers. However, once we got Levi home from the hospital, it became clear that he wouldn't be big enough for the diapers we had for a while. We didn't want to use disposables because newborns poo and pee A BUNCH and we were trying to save as much money as possible. So, after some research (see Making the Decision), we decided to try pre-folds until our other diapers fit. One of the main reasons we went with these diapers, besides the cost, was the fact that you can get them in extra-small that fit newborns. They even have a little notch for the belly button, just like newborn disposable diapers.

We bought two Thirsties diaper covers in extra-small ($12!), a set of snappies, and just used some pre-folds that were given to us as gifts. Two covers was definitely enough because most of Levi's poos weren't substantial enough to dirty them up. And since breast-fed baby poo is water-soluble, we just threw the pre-folds right into the wash, poo or no poo, without dunking them in the toilet or any of those other horrors you hear about that scare people away from cloth (don't worry, I'll cover cleaning and laundry in a future post). Honestly, it was easy as pie and it worked great for us while we waited for Levi to fit into our other diapers. And once Levi could wear his other diapers, we still kept the Thirsties around until he outgrew them - they worked really well!

While I didn't have the foresight to take a picture of tiny Levi in his Thirsties diaper, I won't leave y'all completely picture-less. Here he is!

What better way to brainwash your child into attending your university than to take him to sporting events? Sic 'em Bears!

Transition Week

As much as I tried to put it out of my mind, the time finally arrived for Levi to start daycare this week. When Levi was about 2 months old, I was talking to a friend about daycare and she gave me a great piece of advice (thanks Carly!)- she encouraged me to take Levi to daycare a few days before I actually had to go back to work and school so that I would be able to better adjust. She said that she didn't do that with her son, so her first day back at work (which was also her son's first day at daycare), she was a complete wreck.

Thankfully, Levi's daycare has what they call "Transition Week" for all of their new kiddos. Basically, the week before you kid is supposed to start school, you bring them a little more each day to help both mom and child transition into daycare. And bonus, it's free! It definitely made our transition a lot easier than it would have been otherwise and for that I'm extremely thankful! Here's how it went:

Monday - Me and Levi go to Daycare Together for a  Couple Hours
This was a great experience for me! I was able to take Levi to his class, see how things run, ask questions, and explain Levi's little quirks as they came up. I got to meet all of his teachers and start to develop a relationship with them, which was really nice.

That being said, I was a little worried about a few things. One is that Levi is younger than all but two of the other babies in the room, meaning the other babies are mobile and grabby. Also, I didn't see any books and to be honest, for the most part, all play time was pretty independent, which isn't what Levi is used to. More independent play will probably be good for him, but I'm concerned about the lack of academics. I know they're babies, but I'd argue that reading to babies is pretty common practice so I was confused when I didn't see it.

Overall, I felt more comfortable leaving him there than before, but I was a little disillusioned by what actually goes on during the day.

Tuesday - I leave Levi at Daycare for a Couple Hours
I dropped Levi off at Daycare for about two-and-a-half hours while I got my hair cut (finally!!). The actual act of leaving him was difficult. When I bent over him to say goodbye he looked up at me and smiled, melting my heart and making it extra difficult to leave him there. Once I was out and about though, I felt ok about it. I'm not going to lie and say everything was peachy and that I'm totally ok with him going to daycare, but it was more manageable than I thought it would be.

Levi also did well. He didn't cry much while I was gone and he ate from a bottle offered by a stranger, which is good. I'd really like him to experience as little trauma (for lack of a better word) as possible during this time.

Wednesday - I leave Levi at Daycare for a Half-Day
This was my first day back at work. Levi was at daycare from about 7:30-12:15. Being at work wasn't actually as hard as I thought it would be. It was nice to be back doing the job that I enjoy with my friends and coworkers. However, when we went to pick up Levi at lunch, he was BALLING. He was so exhausted because he's still learning how to nap in a noisy room and he had never been apart from us for that long. Poor thing.

Despite the fact that I felt ok with it while I was at work, seeing my sad little boy made this day especially hard.

Thursday - I leave Levi at Daycare until 3PM
Well, unfortunately (sort of...) Levi and I both came down with a bad cold. His cough was getting a little chesty so I kept him home with me and we went to the doctor instead of daycare. I was worried about it being the flu, but it wasn't and the doctor said he was ok to go to daycare as long as he didn't have a fever. I kept him at the home the rest of the day though...haha! It was good for him to get some rest. And boy did he! He practically slept all day!

Friday - I leave Levi at Daycare All Day
Since he didn't go to daycare on Thursday, I didn't leave him there all day today. And honestly, I'm glad I didn't. He's still sick and unable to sleep, so I picked him up at 3. He was crying again when I got there, but I know it was mainly because he was exhausted. He fell asleep within minutes of being in his car seat.

(How could anyone say goodbye to this face everyday?)

Generally speaking, I feel ok with going to work this semester, but I really hope that come mid-May I'll be able to keep him home with me from then on. It's important for me to finish my master's degree and fulfill my apprenticeship commitments, but it still feels unnatural to send my kid to others to take care of him during the day. I won't say it feels wrong, but it definitely doesn't feel right.

I think having this transition week was really helpful (even though I didn't do it quite right). It gave me the opportunity to see what it would be like without feeling trapped into it (even though I kind of was). I highly recommend it to other new moms!